What a relaxing evening tonight. I haven't had time to just soak in my introvertedness for a while now. I can't remember the last chance I had to just sit and read a good book, or slowly enjoy my coffee rather than desperately caffeinating myself.
I'm here all nice and warm from a fresh shower, smothered completely from head to toe in my thick, velvet-soft blanket and draped incredibly comfortably across my silk smooth wine-red sheets I unashamedly splurged on. My room is freshly (and a little obsessive compulsively) cleaned, and my laundry completely done. All my errands have been run and I stretch so luxuriously I feel like just melting into the seductive comfort of my blankets. I have a playlist on my laptop with a couple dozen Michael Buble songs drifting through my room that I haven't heard in a long time. I'd forgotten how much I enjoy his music. Buble makes me remember what it was like to enthusiastically fall head over heels in a wondering love. Sometimes I get too covered in the dusty details of everyday rituals and the cost of maintaining them. It's good to remember the important things, the things we took seriously when we were children, that somewhere along the way became faint memories fluttering in the corners of our hearts.
Wednesday, December 10, 2008
Monday, December 8, 2008
Sometime Noon
It is a deep-seated warmth to know that in humanity seeds of compassion do thrive, too often tamed by the monotony of luxury and comfort, but will burst forth in adamant resilience when fate demands. I forget so easily in the endless hobbies of everyday life, but every few and far Life sparks to remind us of the simple truths.
They must feel good about themselves, and feel more honesty and joy today.
And she must feel thankful, and the morning has become brighter.
They must feel good about themselves, and feel more honesty and joy today.
And she must feel thankful, and the morning has become brighter.
Has it been 4 years already
Sometimes the weight is too heavy a burden but it just keeps coming, flowing, pouring into me a blue, blue torrent. I shake my head, fall to cold earth, covered from head to numb toes in the choking resentment of inequality, unfairness. I want to be free to be loved cheaply, I want to buy my kingdom of tarnished dreams and duct tape the entire mess beneath. To boast and be applauded by princes of mockery and ignorance. I want to drink of that shallow well of flash fame and fortune and desperately wallow in whatever mud is flung my way before it has become dry and cracked.
Integrity and honor are shadows that leave a bitter taste in my mouth and I crush that memory with practiced bravado. The cheap applause only spurs me forward. If you can't beat them, join them.
Yet rare moments of silence when the world has screamed itself hoarse carries with it memories like pinpricks, nagging and irritating. The temptation is never strong, never overpowering, but always a clean, pure constant throb. Expression is a necessity, but art is a choice. Some of us are lucky and fall into it faster than others do. I've forgotten how to see it, and in so doing let you down. We are the weight upon each other's shoulders, let us carry one another up. It is not inequality, it is not a burden, it is a responsibility we hold, a privilege we undertake to have such raw trust placed in our hands. That understanding carries with it a freedom as well, not so lightly touched, but also not so lightly lost.
Even if it's too late, there is honor in our passion.
Integrity and honor are shadows that leave a bitter taste in my mouth and I crush that memory with practiced bravado. The cheap applause only spurs me forward. If you can't beat them, join them.
Yet rare moments of silence when the world has screamed itself hoarse carries with it memories like pinpricks, nagging and irritating. The temptation is never strong, never overpowering, but always a clean, pure constant throb. Expression is a necessity, but art is a choice. Some of us are lucky and fall into it faster than others do. I've forgotten how to see it, and in so doing let you down. We are the weight upon each other's shoulders, let us carry one another up. It is not inequality, it is not a burden, it is a responsibility we hold, a privilege we undertake to have such raw trust placed in our hands. That understanding carries with it a freedom as well, not so lightly touched, but also not so lightly lost.
Even if it's too late, there is honor in our passion.
Tuesday, December 2, 2008
Faithful, faithless, Christians
Faith in things we have grown confident about is not faith. Having faith when peace has settled into our hearts about the decision is not faith. Faith is born in the beating moments, when indecision knifes into our hearts and we drown in insecurities. Faith is the courage to stand amid all the chaos and fear and ignorance and choose to believe in something greater. It does not exist, is not made stronger because we understand it, but triumphs because we don't. Faith is the eye of the storm, the calm certainty that is never devoid of emotion but surrounded by the raw power of it. It is not security and it is not peace; Faith is courage.
Monday, December 1, 2008
Thanksgiving Feast
Thanksgiving feast! 3 days of cooking. Trader Joes must love me.
Pumpkin Cheesecake with Gingersnap-Pecan Crust
Hope you guys all had a Happy Thanksgiving!
Turkey stuffed with red onions and oranges
Cranberry-Apple Sausage Stuffing
Andouille Sausage Cornbread Stuffing
Scalloped Potatoes and Yams with fresh-grated Gruyere
Green Bean Casserole
Eggnog Tiramisu Trifle
Pumpkin Cheesecake with Gingersnap-Pecan Crust
Post-cooking, pre-food coma
Hope you guys all had a Happy Thanksgiving!
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