Thursday, August 27, 2009

Me me me

That warm, sinking feeling that comes right after having the world's longest, most delightful stretch that you swear lasted for more than a minute as the morning sun glows shyly behind your window.

The overwhelming nostalgia practically demanding introspection and deep-thoughts-of-self that comes with the deep, toasted warmth of a cup of joe and luxurious roll of a cigarette.

The smooth, throaty, sultry growl of my Isabella and the feel of her tires on the road accelerating in harmony with John Legend's Evolver blasting through my bass as I take a turn I thought I couldn't take, smooth like butter, rich like chocolate, black on black, growl.

Love. Early morning, drowsy love. Late night, candle-burning love. Soft, golden-brown Autumn love. Leather jacket, street vendor, knick-knacks, Christmas lights kind of love.

Monday, August 17, 2009

Respect and Forgiveness

It is much easier to, without a hint of a doubt, know that someone else is wrong rather than to think for a second, just perhaps, we may be a little bit mistaken.

I read someone's xanga post on forgiveness today, and it stirred up old memories, at times angry and bitter and at other times almost...fondly nostalgic. Suffice to say for myself that in this never-ending, twisting dance of selfish hedonistic "values" and genuine moral compassion, while that seductive Fear-of-self-and-sin wrestles with the knowledge of our own shamed "unholiness," the answer again, comes to a very simple and clean truth: Love.

That battle may rage on forever fueled by our own securities that are, let's face it, byproducts (or perhaps causes) of our humanity, and neither side will ever triumph for too long. We are too afraid of our own demons to give others a Respect that will entail looking deep within them, deep within ourselves. It is much easier to respect someone out of ignorance rather than knowledge because that simple kind of respect doesn't ask us to sacrifice any of our own arrogance; instead it beckons us to bask in the comfort of our generosity and proud, "modern" liberalism. We are not truly respecting the person then, but instead the possibility of that person. And while that is at times a good thing, it is only a beginning that does not give us the power and pleasure of Forgiveness.


"Sometimes we forgive by throwing ourselves into the mess of that person, to be tossed and consumed by the avalanche of their insecurities and fears and be overwhelmed and torn apart in turn by our own wounds brought to light, all in an effort to truly understand who they are and what makes them “tick” until finally at the pinnacle of that knowledge and that point of clear understanding of their motivations, we let forgiveness test its strength against the magnitude of our hurt. I’ve done this, in attempts to truly forgive someone else and be at peace in my heart, but at best it’s an exhausting process that begs for another answer, a stronger motivation than just Forgiveness."


I believe the elusive answer has always been to step away, to cast aside all fears of righteousness and self-righteousness and just simply...love one another as honestly as we can. Love ourselves enough to be honest with the strength of our own hearts, and love each other with a clean, earnest understanding.

Love is the key, a strong, unyielding love for our fellow man and woman. Not love for ourselves, not love for our own self-righteousness, or even love for the righteousness of others, but just simply...Love.