Talking to a good friend

I was talking to a good friend not too long ago, and as I am very much a "spontaneous" kind of person I usually do my best thinking in the midst of random conversations. As I was telling my friend, lately life has been putting me through a lot of changes, some exhilarating some depressing, others daunting and humbling. While all this is going on, I realize that I've never been in such a state of confusion about myself and the purpose of my existence as I am now. All my life I've been fairly confident about my choices, my decisions, my outlook on life (whether directionless or not), for the first time I discover that I'm not sure about certain issues concerning myself. The ironic beauty of it is I'm finding that I'm more confident and purposeful about my confusion, or perhaps in the midst of my confusion than I was in living out my certainty. Maybe it comes down to the simple idea of fear; before I was so sure of who I was and what I wanted I didn't want to lose that knowledge, while now that I am unsure about myself, I feel as I am about to embark on a journey, armed with nothing more than the values and ideals that God has given me in the deepest corners of my Self, ideals that have been tempered and honed through countless trials of doubt and regret. It sends tingles down my spine and excitement coursing through me to envision what self-discovery awaits, there are few things far more satisfying than cementing your own ideals and being able to stand upon them knowing the reason, the motivation for who you are, and breathing that passion to live your Life.